Behavior and Basic Etiquette
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| The View of the water lilies and reflection of palms in the pond |
Behavior: During one of the early Orientation sessions we will
re-read the Conditions of Participation that you signed before joining the SIT
experience. While we know that you read carefully and understood those
Conditions of Participation before coming to Indonesia, from a number of past
experiences both here and elsewhere in Asia it is clear that we need to
strongly emphasize several major points:
·
Participation in an SIT Program means abiding 100% by the
prohibition on driving a motorized vehicle of any kind. While most infractions
against rules on behavior can be dealt with on a “warning” or “probationary”
basis, in the case of anyone seen or known to be driving a motorized vehicle,
the sanction is expulsion. Please take this prohibition very, very seriously. It
is based not only on insurance requirements, but on the extreme dangers related
to driving a motor vehicle or motorcycle in Indonesia. (It is also very
important to keep in mind the unsafe conditions for pedestrians in many areas
and to act with appropriate caution when walking on or near public
thoroughfares.)
·
Participating in scuba diving activities is also prohibited
so long as you are on the program, even if you are certified.
·
Recently the issue of using Hindu symbols for advertising or
cosmetic purposes has become a very heated area of debate in Bali. For this
reason we must now prohibit students from using any symbol that could be
construed as Hindu as a tattoo or decoration for a t-shirt (for example). While
we cannot prohibit tattooing, we strongly urge you to consider the life-long
duration of any tattoo, and the possible health hazards at stake.
·
Dress code: as noted in the Packing Guidelines we have a
dress code for classroom attendance and excursions to any formal institution.
Please work with us to do your part to live with the dress code and make the
most of it. Being neat is part of being Indonesian (though you may find
occasional counter-examples among Indonesian youth, and definitely will see
countless examples among the “ragged tourists”!).
·
Homestay and Orientation Period “curfew” hours: While staying
in the Puri Saraswati in Amlapura it is expected that you will all return to
the Puri by 10:00 PM unless you have made a prior arrangement with the AD, or
with Gung De of Puri Saraswati. During the Homestay Period please keep in mind
that Homestay families feel responsible for you, often in more protective ways
than you may be accustomed to. If you plan to stay out past 9:00 PM with your
friends we ask that you inform your family of the fact, and tell them which of
your classmates you will be with so that they can track you down through
another Homestay family if any emergency arises. Their
understanding is that your curfew on week nights is 10:00 PM. Please be aware that staying
out of your Homestay family household overnight during weekdays is not allowed
unless you have made an appropriate arrangement with your Homestay family. If
you have any doubts check with the AD.
Harassment Issues: We will discuss interpersonal relations extensively
during the Orientation Period. It is also important to keep in mind that the
Academic Director and other staff are there for you to talk to at
any time of day or night should a harassment (or health or safety) issue come
up. In general, and from past experience, harassment from Balinese men is
verbal only in the overwhelming majority of cases. In the long history of SIT
Programs in Bali there have been only 2-3 cases where harassment went beyond
the verbal stage, and even then was mild by western standards. This does not
mean that verbal harassment cannot be an unpleasant fact of life; however, as
with most aspects of Balinese behavior it is best reacted to with humor and
good-will rather than anger. In a few cases you may need to raise your voice or
take other obvious action to defer unwanted advances; if this is the case, you
should not feel in any way embarrassed by having to go against the normal
pattern of public deference.
A related issue to harassment is the question of
cross-cultural dating. This is a largely one-sided matter, with the
availability of willing Balinese male partners for western women quite high,
but a very low chance that a young Indonesian woman would feel comfortable
initiating a relationship with a western man, unless – and with the clear
understanding – that marriage is the expected result.
While the AD has
no brief to “police” the possible development of cross-cultural dating, we can
and will ask that you practice appropriate care and discretion, both for your
own sake and for the sake of the program and the community. We will discuss the
effects that cross-cultural dating has on gender issues in Bali during the
semester, and will try to bring out some of the aspects of unequal power and
wealth involved. These are complex issues, and not to be taken lightly. At the
same time we (the AD) are not here to make decisions for you, but rather to
provide guidance where possible, so do not hesitate to consult with us when a
question arises.
Basic Etiquette: Politeness and correct behavior play a very large role
in Balinese/Indonesian life. We will be devoting a fair amount of time to these
subjects during the Orientation Period. Below we will also summarize some of
the main points:
·
Don’t worry about making mistakes. While the Balinese will
definitely notice and appreciate you for polite and respectful behavior, they
are also very forgiving and realize that you are NOT Balinese and cannot be
expected to know everything right from the start Also, you are quite likely to come across
counter-examples in Balinese behavior that appear to directly contradict some
of the guidelines. What’s most
important is to be attentive to how people around you are relating, and relax,
smile and enjoy your encounters!
·
Body language and spatial orientation: Nowadays many people shake
hands when they meet. However, it is not
the American pump handshake, but more gentle and quick. Do not interpret this
as meaning that people are not overjoyed in meeting you. Remember that shaking
hands is not the traditional way of greeting. Nowadays the Indian “akawin greeting”,
putting hands together in a prayer position at chest level is becoming more and
more popular.
·
ALWAYS use your right hand in giving and receiving. The left hand is used for sanitary matters.
If you’re eating something with your right hand or it is otherwise occupied and
you have to use your left hand to take or give something, it is polite to say ma’af tangan
kiri, ”excuse me for using my left hand”. However, most Indonesians
are very tolerant, and will not be offended if you don’t add these polite
phrases. It is important, however, to remember to avoid giving or receiving
with your left hand.
·
Pointing with your forefinger is considered rude. When
gesturing for someone to come towards you, don’t crook your hand with fingers
pointing up, but rather wave your palm, fingers pointing down. When you are talking to someone, don’t put
your hands on your hips with your elbows akimbo – it’s taken as a stance of
defiance.
·
Indonesians are often very “touchy-feely” with members of
their own sex and it is quite common for either young women or young men to
walk down the street arm in arm, or to sleep together hugging each other.
However, you won’t see much public display of affection between members of the
opposite sex, even among newly weds.
·
As in many Asian cultures, the head is considered the most
sacred part of the body. Therefore,
touching someone on the head or tousling their hair (even a child’s) is often
considered unacceptable. Conversely, the
feet are the least sacred part of the body and should never be pointed at
anyone. When sitting on the ground, sit
either cross-legged or tuck your feet under you.
·
Spatial orientation is a critical feature of Balinese
life. Directions are based on the
location of Mt. Agung, the sacred mountain in the center of the island
(actually more northeast). In south Bali,
north is called kaja, or “toward the
mountain” and south is kelod,
or “toward the ocean”. (In north
Bali the actual directions are reversed). Kaja
is the most sacred direction – the kaja
or northeast corner is where a family temple is located in a house compound. In
a formal gathering, especially where ritual is involved, the highest caste
members of the community will sit on the kaja side.
·
Equally important are vertical heights. The higher someone’s caste, the higher they
will sit at a gathering. At a temple or a family ceremony, be sure your head is
lower than the priest’s. When you need
to walk by someone seated, bend forward a bit and put your right arm out in
front of you (as if cutting a path before you).
·
Meeting and interacting with people: The Balinese are very
friendly and you are likely to be greeted with questions by practically
everyone you meet – even strangers on a bus or street: “Where are you from?” and “Where are you
going?” are the most common greetings. Both children and adults may call out “Where
(did) you go Mister?” regardless of gender, to which you can just answer “jalan-jalan”
(taking a walk). You may also hear: “How long have you been here? How long will you stay? Where are you staying? Are you married? Do
you have children?” And sometimes: “How old are you? What kind of work do you
do? How much do you get paid? If you have “business” to conduct with someone
and you go to their house, you should start off the conversation with small
talk about their family, their health, how nice their home is etc. first. THEN state the purpose of your visit. The art
of small talk (basa basi) is a very
serious prerequisite to establishing the good relationship needed to continue
on to more “businesslike” aspects of interaction.
·
Privacy: The concept of privacy is practically non-existent –
there is no word for it in either Indonesian or Balinese. You may find yourself surrounded by people
when you are busy doing something you consider a private activity – reading,
for example. Indonesians feel sorry for anyone who is alone and like to keep
close company, at a proximity that may feel uncomfortably “crowded” to a
Westerner at times. At the same time Indonesians/Balinese are not as “vocal”
about their presence as most westerners, so there can be quite a few people in
a space without their being as much of a sense of a crowd as there might be in
similar circumstances in a western environment.
·
Eating: When you visit someone’s home you will always be offered
something to drink – usually sweet black coffee or tea – and maybe something to
eat. (If you who cannot drink coffee,
just say graciously: Ma’af, saya tidak
berani minum kopi, literally: “I’m not brave enough” to drink coffee.” If you do accept a drink or snack, don’t pick
it up until you have been offered it at least a couple of times – people will
offer by saying “Silahkan” (please). Traditionally Balinese prefer to
eat without utensils, using the right hand. They may also eat with a soup spoon
and fork – the spoon held in the right hand and used to convey food to the
mouth, and the fork held in the right hand and used to help the food into the
spoon. Eating is usually reserved just
for eating and not combined with socializing. Often, you will see people taking
their plates of food off to opposite ends of the compound to eat alone. These
cultural patterns are deeply ingrained. We will discuss how they relate to
respect for the rice goddess (Dewi Seri) and to fear of allowing demonic
forces to enter the body through getting upset while eating.
·
Bathing: Taking a bath in Bali is different from taking a bath in
America or Australia. There is a vat of
cold water in the bathroom and a plastic dipper (or tin can) that you fill and
then use to pour water over your body. The floor is usually slanted slightly so
that water drains into the floor. The
vat is not a sink but a water container!
Don’t wash in it as you would in a sink at home.
·
Toilets are usually concrete slabs (sometimes ceramic) with a
hole and footmarks on the sides. You
squat down and clean yourself with water, and use the dipper to flush. Some homes have western style toilets. Toilet paper is readily available in the
shops but is not usually found in bathrooms. It is very important, however, to bear
in mind that tampons and pad will not flush down an Indonesian toilet (of any
kind). Instead Indonesia/Balinese women wrap them in toilet paper and put them
in the wastebasket found in most bathrooms. It is
also a good idea to put toilet paper in a covered waste-basked if one is
provided in a bathroom; plumbing in many households can be a problem and
additional toilet paper added to a toilet may cause difficulties. Since most
Indonesians “whipe themselves” with water, not paper, they may not be aware of
the Western preference for use of paper in the toilet. ALSO: a toliet is usually
called a WC (Way-Say) in Indonesia.
·
Entering temples: To go into a temple (whether or not there is a
ceremony going on) you must wear at least a slendang
(temple sash). To attend a ceremony
you must wear pakaian adat (customary
clothing) which (for women) consists of a kain
(sarong worn from waist to ankle), setagen
(a kind corset worn round the waist and hips), kebaya (Balinese style blouse). Men wear kain with a saput
(shorter piece of cloth worn over the kain),
an appropriate shirt and a slendang, optionally (but preferably) a
headband called an udeng or destar
·
Tidak Boleh Blues: If you are a woman you must NEVER step into a temple, household shrine
or the home of a priestly family if you are menstruating, no matter what you
are wearing! This prohibition has earned the joking nickname “tidak boleh blues” – tidak boleh means “not able, not
allowed” and is the appropriate response to give if someone asks why you are
not participating in a ritual event or avoiding going into a temple. We will
discuss anthropological aspects of this prohibition during the semester. For
the present please note that this is a very serious prohibition. Infractions
against the rule, if discovered, must be ritually purified through a complex
and costly ceremony that must be paid for by the offender against the
prohibition.
·
Photographs: Taking photos of people is fine, but ask for permission
first. The Balinese have been so over-photographed that many are sensitive
about it. Use your discretion. If you know the people you are photographing,
give them a print later on. You needn’t bet too shy at
ceremonies as many people like to have their events recorded. However, here an
anthropologisis’s level of sensitivity is required. NEVER stand above or in
front of people praying to take their picture (unless you are behind the row or
rows of people sitting tailor-fashion to pray, and NEVER stand on any part of a
temple platform or building to take a picture. Generally speaking it is best
not to have one’s head higher than those of others, unless you are standing
behind them. The important thing is to be aware and sensitive.
·
Bargaining:
When perusing the marketplace for things to buy, be
prepared to bargain as a matter of good form.
Offer half of the asking price and go up from there. It may also help to find out beforehand how
much the item might cost by asking a Balinese friend or a member of your
Homestay family. Don’t forget that above all bargaining is supposed to be fun,
an occasion for humor and in economic terms a way to achieve a good balance
between people with unequal access to economic power.
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| We even bargain for bemo's fare. The students did it very well |
